Porn in the Woods

9 posts


I posted this years ago elsewhere but the crowd here may have some interesting stories to share, as well.


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Now, what makes this topic interesting is that it discusses porn found in the woods . Many in the discussion at Metafilter don't get it- no one is interested in anyone's story about finding their father's porn stash under his bed, finding porn in a alley or under a viaduct, behind a shopping mall or in a landfill. Porn belongs on those places and is therefore not an issue. The whole idea is to discuss the disturbing and bizarre phenomenon of finding porn in the woods , far from civilization and the modern rat race that produces the stuff. It's somewhat surreal to be walking through rough country, out in the wilderness away from the sounds of cars and whatnot and of all the things possible one could stumble upon out in the middle of nowhere, it's porn.

I've found porn in the woods. Back in the late '70s/early '80s sprawl wasn't quite what it is today and suburban areas, like where I grew up, would pretty much butt right up against undeveloped areas where the only sign of the modern age might be a railway cutting through acres and acres of unspoiled trees and fields. As young kids just old enough to be away from the house for hours at a time, it was fun to escape the concrete jungles we lived in and explore these areas- playing war, building forts, off-road bicycling, fishing in the creeks, that sort of stuff.

One day a few pals and I were walking through some of these woods and came across a small primitive-looking campsite of some sort. There were some filthy discarded articles of clothing and a spot where someone had constructed a fire. And other than some food wrappers and cigarette butts what do you think we found there? Yep, porn. Laying there next to the fire pit half-assed hidden under some vegetation was a stack of 4 or 5 old porn magazines. Gent and Stag , for those old enough to remember those titles. And just like someone states in the quoted pieces above, I remember the odor of that porn. The odor didn't strike until we picked up the magazines and started flipping through them but it is a unique rotting smell I've only experienced with other similar finds and I'll never forget it. I imagine the porn stash belonged to whatever homeless person found shelter out there or perhaps some older kids who used the spot to smoke their dope or whatever. It's an experience I'll never forget.

Anyway, that's my story. Have you ever found porn in the woods?
Gruppenführer Glitter

This sounds like the work of some primordial forest fertility deity.


Plenty of it. My friends and I stumbled across woodland porn pretty regularly. I suppose that teenagers brought it there to enjoy far from parental surveillance. I remember peeling apart the stuck-together pages (stuck together from the moisture of the New England outdoors, please understand) to salvage the better photos. I can recall the aroma of the moldering paper and the hectic escape of the inevitable pillbugs. Always the pillbugs.


I believe the peculiar odor has something to do with the paper used back then. Perhaps the chemicals involved with glossy covers. As it degrades due to moisture it emits a strange odor.


I found a stack of porno mags in the woods when I was in grade school, just sitting there on a pile of dirt, miraculously unscathed by weather. In retrospect, this was probably some meme amongst the wily uncles of the 80s. It reminds me of crop circles: a little too convenient.

Interesting theory but how would such a meme spread globally, to the degree it has, prior to the internet? It's not as if there were back-pages ads in the magazines telling readers to plant the magazines in the woods when done with them or anything like that.

I've found porno in the woods before, both as an adolescent and an adult. I wrote about my recent experience here . As far as I know, this is a North American phenomenon. As for why it's in the woods:


Once when I was 11 or 12 I stood waiting for the bus home (after school) when I found crumpled papers in my bag. Turns out some funny guy had ripped out pages from a porn mag and stuffed them in my bag. I felt violated. Good thing I found them before I got home. If my mom had found them first she would have given me an even bigger beating than usual.


when i was about seven years old(around '92) i found a stack of 70's porno mags in a falling-down shed that was probably over a hundred years old. The shed was on the edge of an old cow pasture bordering the woods(not sure if that counts).

it wasn't the first time i saw porn(two older female cousins showed me porno movies when i was about four years old so 'i'd know how to have sex when i grow up'). The only thing that sticks in my mind about stumbling across this porn was how hairy the women were.