Renaissance - Odes, Songs, Madrigals

6 posts


I have just finished my new book of poems. It was conceived during my wedding trip through Italy last winter. I have fond memories of writing these delightful songs in Florence, on a balcony overlooking the Arno, while my wife nagged at me for not buying enough ice-cream. This work effectively means my parting of the ways with free verse -- poetry without rhyme is not poetry at all.

In Praise Of Chinese Bars

I really like chinese bars.
I sit alone and drink brews.
Spanish bars have become a farce,
Probably because jews.

The chinks have their own lines of credit
As explained by Banjo Billy in his book.
Their kiko-phobia has some merit,
It really makes the hebes puke.

I start to work every day at five,
And by eight I'm thirsty as hell.
That's when I go outside and dive
nose first into the chinese beer well.

I pretend I'm at the hardware store
when my boss calls to ask where I am.
After talking to her I ask for more
beer and wine and cured ham.

When I return antihistamines I blame
for my slurred speech and pestilent breath.
The key here is having no shame
And an unbreakable will to death.
Niccolo and Donkey

Your free verse is much, much better. I can't suport this. In fact, I'll ding you some pozz.


Except for the obvious plagiarism of Longfellow, it's pretty good. Most of the ABAB rhyming scheme works except for bars/farce, credit/merit and puke/book. The lines lack a fixed meter, but I can make out a rough tetrameter (four stressed syllables per line). I'd give this poem a B+ for obvious merit, but because of the plagiarism I am forced to reduce this a letter grade to C+.

You must learn to distinguish "plagiarism" from "improvement". It's indeed clear that Longfellow was a precursor of my work, but he lacked my talent and adventurous spirit. In fact the only concomitance is that he too used to drink at chink bars.
Niccolo and Donkey

Still shit :thumbsdown: