Films that ought to be made

10 posts


Films are excellent way of maliciously parodying someone in real life. I think Oliver Stone's "Nixon" can be construed as something similar.

With that in mind, biopics are very useful. I want a film:

* Based on Bill Clinton's steamy affairs with various plastic-surgery-enhanced women. There should be a scene in which his "children" talk about what a disgraceful loser and "gangster" their dad is. The actor playing Clinton should look like him (sort of), and imitate his accent, gestures and so but slightly exaggerate them to make a malicious parody of it. The plot should be emotionally powerful-yet-formulaic, like a Ron Howard movie. It should be "complex" and morally ambiguous, since Hilary will be portrayed as a complete harridan (if there is any realism at all), the very thought of her in bed eliminating any chances of getting an erection for an entire week. So for Clinton, it's a heart-rending choice between masturbation, and getting "oral-anal intercourse" (as he puts it).

* Based on Tiger Woods cheating on various blonde women. I see a good opportunity here to examine various racial attitudes of the upper class *wink wink* .

* I would like to see a film based on the life of "Princess Diana". It should drive the point home that this woman is a dumb-as-a-bag-of-rocks entitlement princess and decided to disgrace herself and her entire country by cuckoldry. (It should be realistic in general, and depict the main character as a addicted-to-shopping psychopath.) The ending should be done in such a way as to warn people that "cockoldry is bad" (the RL ending should suffice). There should be a semi-nude sex scene somewhere, but mostly implied. (It's hard to make a parody of this character since she's already a parody - I guess you can emphasize the fact that she has nothing intelligent to say, so there should be a scene in a cocktail party in which she embarasses herself by pretending to know something substantial - like in which continent is India located.)

* The vast, unexplored territory of films about actual past actors/actresses, and their misadventures. This is as they say "meta".

But that being said, there are already a number of great films and dance numbers on the subject of cuckoldry, although unfortunately in regards to fictional characters:

This video is much funnier after seeing the scene preceding it, in which "Roxie" shoots her, uh, "boyfriend" before her husband comes home from work.

Is this "excessive"? They are infinitely better than those films and musicals that actually promote "bratty" or insubordinate behavior on part of "womyn". An example is the Swedish "Pipi Longstocking" series.

We need to flesh out the plot of some of these films.

(To be continued.)


I'm a simple-minded person. I want to see movies based on the writings of HP Lovecraft, filled to the brim with handsome gents from Miskatonic University and huge badass monsters. Cloverfield gave me some hope, but it was unfortunately filled with young Americans, a group I hate with a burning passion.

Bob Dylan Roof

Mel Gibson needs to continue making films about barbarian peoples and produce an epic about the Aryan destruction of bronze age civilizations. I want to see huge blond beasts speaking proto- and doric greek razing palace cities and piling into boats in search of glory.


He should make movies about the pre-Islamic Middle East, the cradle of civilisation. Minus Euros parading around as Middle Easterners.

Team Zissou

The fall of Constantinople.

Funny -- my response to the thread was going to be The Sinking of the USS Liberty , directed by Mel Gibson.
The Illuminati

I'd like to see a proper film version of "Starship Troopers" that holds true to the book.


I want a movie about the British man who spent his career stomping out the brutal thuggee cult-mafia in India. It's an amazing story of mass murder, detective work, and heroism in an exotic setting... and true.

Then I want a movie about Zarqawi in Iraq.


False. This is not the product of African slaves and Mongols:


Anymore than some thin-lipped, small-nosed Somali is the result of Arab/Congoid mixing.

Find Dienekes' page on SSA admixture in West Asians. Save from parts of North Africa and Palestine, it's tiny and not enough to change millions of white people to wogs. Now stfu already. You're already going to burn in hell for being a Sunni shitbag, a Somali and a pirate. No need to add 'misinformed assclown' to the list.
Bob Dylan Roof

The "pre-Islamic Middle East" encompasses a vast range of time and populations.