Vacation Diary

10 posts

President Camacho

I have been taking notes throughout my time here; though I haven't had the chance to post them in real time, I thought I will start by posting what I have so far. For those that don't know I am visiting cousins in a suburb of Bethlehem in the West Bank along with my sister; the last and only time I was here was back in 2000 when I was 12 years old, immediately before the Second Intifadah.

August 2

Arrive at Tel Aviv airport with my sister, we’re picked up by a cousin who lives in a suburb around Bethlehem. Everything is smooth on arrival, though I’m told it’s on the exit flight that the Israelis usually fuck with people. It’s about a one hour ride from Tel Aviv to my cousin’s house.

The first thing that strikes me upon arriving in town and meeting my cousin’s friends is the number of young women with children… you see many, many sexy young women in their early-mid 20s with impressive bodies holding infants or toddlers. The MILF per capita ratio is probably 10x what it is in the US. In Yankee-Judea, the only women you see in public with young children are past their prime, mid-to-late 30s, trophy wives who were getting their cunts ran through by dozens of guys throughout their 20s.

I also understand that, at least in the Bethlehem area, the general rule for girls is still to remain virgins until marriage… if you are a “serious boyfriend”, you can get ‘yo dick sucked and do everything else but still generally won’t get to pound it until you tie the knot. Part of this is because everyone knows everyone in Bethlehem and the suburbs… in the larger cities like Jerusalem and Ramallah your chances of finding loose women are a little better, but still nothing like in the West.

Among Muslim women, the burqa/niqab is fairly uncommon… some of the Muslim women dress like their Christian counterparts, but those that do keep hijab usually just wear a headscarf and maybe a shawl on top of Western style clothing. I soon learn that I arrived here during Ramadan, which sucks because throughout the West Bank there’s less to do at nighttime, you’re not supposed to eat in public in the presence of Muslims, etc. Muslims used to be a small minority in Bethlehem 50 years ago, now they are the majority. The Christians, however, still predominate in the suburb I’m staying in, and even in downtown Bethlehem seem to control the majority of commerce.

President Camacho
August 3

Went to the beach today in Tel Aviv with cousins... Tel Aviv is Israel's most modern and "Western" city, but I wasn't all that impressed... there are many parts of it that have a shantytown feel; although the beachfront is nice, I don’t think you can compare it favorably to even mediocre American cities, unless you’re using metrics like crime rate or weather etc.

Part of this is the Israelis’ astonishing lack of consideration for personal space and public manners… I believe it carries over into their city planning. For example, while in the ocean, a dreadlocked Israeli crashed his bodyboard into the back of my neck, and instead of apologizing he gave me a perplexed look and just shrugged away. Groups of people will run you over in the street while casually chatting, automobile drivers are all incredibly erratic, and will drive on the curb to get around other vehicles, etc.

My cousins told me that, in New York City of all places, they were shocked that every person who bumped into them took the time to apologize, however contritely. You don’t see this in either the West Bank or especially Israel…

After the beach we ate with a group of people at a sushi franchise that I believe also has chains in the US. It was quite good; we went here because it has probably the only real Japanese chefs in Israel. One thing I’ve learned quickly is that public dining in both the West Bank and Israel can be quite bad… in Amrika you thumb your nose down at places like Applebees, but as corny as it may sound, sticking to the chains is your best bet over here.

Don’t go to Shalom Sushi or Ahmed’s Fried Chicken because it probably won’t just taste bad—you’ll wind up with explosive diarrhea afterward as well. My theory is that Americans’ well-known penchant for eating out results in fierce competition, causing truly bad restaurants to close with a year or two, whereas in the Levant you can have shitty eateries hanging around for more than a decade.
President Camacho
August 4

RACIALLY SPEAKING, the dominant type around here (Bethlehem and suburbs) is the Arabid subtype of the Mediterranean race, although lighter-skinned Europid style Meds are also fairly common. There is a strong Dinarid component as well, probably of Roman inspiration. The majority of the populace seems to be mesocephalic, with a minority of dolichocephalic and brachycephalic types; the latter almost always are of Dinarid inspiration, with narrow faces and the rear slope of their skulls almost perpendicular to the neck. The wide-faced (“Alpinid”?) type of Middle Easterner that seems to predominate from Iraq through Eastern Anatolia is a minority here.

Black hair is most common, though brown hair is not rare… blondism is very uncommon, although I have seen one shopkeeper (a local) with blue eyes, pale skin, and bright red hair like an Irishman, and have seen several other young men with medium blonde hair that doesn’t seem to be dyed. Light eyes are more common than light hair… maybe 10-20% of the population has blue or green eyes. Palestinian women with light eyes are almost invariably quite appealing.
Team Zissou

Coincidentally, one of our parish priests--a Palestinian--is travelling in Israel and Palestine now.

Also, from personal experience, Jews pull that same obnoxious yid crap in South Florida.

I've actually found NYC quite friendly.

President Camacho
August 7

Went to the bowling alley near my cousin’s house tonight… there is a black dude working there and I can overhear him speaking English… ask where he’s from, he says around Syracuse, NY. I ask him what the hell he’s doing here and he said his wife was from this area, though he mentioned they were separated or something. I ask him if he had trouble at the airport and he said the Israelis held him up for 2 hours in London on the connector flight and then 3 hours in Tel Aviv. I said no offense bro, but it’s probably cuz you’re black. He nodded in agreement; the Israelis insisted against his pleas that he was a Muslim.
President Camacho
August 8

Today went with my sister and one cousin to a popular Arab breakfast spot in the Old city of Jerusalem… bread, hummus, falafel, and tangy yogurt called lebana along with fresh squeezed lime drank. I was dipping errthang in errthang…. It was very good, but they almost wouldn’t allow us in, claiming all the tables were “filled”. However upon being seated we saw two empty tables nearby. It seems that they discourage local traffic in the event a flood of tourists arrives from America or Europe or Korea. Some NYC Jews are sitting at the table behind us; my cousin overhears the waiter charging them 45 shekels per person; we are only charged 20 shekels apiece.

We go to the souqs (outdoor markets) in the Old City of Jerusalem after eating. I got ripped off by some merchant for two souvenir tobacco pipes. I “bargained” him down from 320 shekels to 250 shekels for both pipes, 125 shekels apiece… then we go a few doors down and see the same pipes at various shops for 35 shekels apiece. I try to return it, but the merchant refuses. He insists that his pipes are olive wood, while competitors are of lemon wood that will combust upon lighting. All of the pipes are identical. Then he brings out an entire bag of these “high quality” pipes from the back to tout the strength of his product; some of them are in vacuum sealed plastic bags… this of course conflicts with his claim that he hand-made all of these pipes by himself.

Now this is only about $40 I was ripped off on, but I am a man of principle. I wanted to just sit in his shop and act insane towards his potential customers to drive business away, but against my wishes my cousin insists on taking the receipt to the Jerusalem police. Supposedly even in Semite-land there are certain limits to how much you can ripoff customers, and the shop owners are supposed to have a return policy.

We used the Hebrew as muscle against the Ummah.

My cousin took turns with the Israeli police on the phone with the merchant. His tone became suddenly conciliatory; he said that he would refund our purchase but that he was out of the shop now praying for Ramadan and we had to wait an hour for him to return. I very much doubted that he was religious… with a white do-rag, sandals, and parachute pants rolled up to his calves, he looked like a Jamaican rapper. The Israeli cops assured us that they would beat his ass down if he refused to refund, though this wasn't technically in their job description. After hanging around for 40 mins or so, however, the merchant returned and gave me a refund without issue.

I've had the opportunity to go but have hesitated because I hear that many Middle Eastern countries won't allow you in if you have the Israel stamp, and I very much want to go to Northern Iraq.

Just do multiple passports under multiple names bro.
Once again Byssus suggests the most pragmatic solution.
Why northern Iraq?