Ching Chong Ching Chong Chong!

10 posts


I will collect observations on Korea and Koreans in this thread:

-Koreans are generally short. Of the countless billions I've seen since arriving a few days ago, only one was taller than me (I'm 6'1") and he looked to be one of those 'tumor on the pituitary" types. In America I found that I was only slightly above average, with many men surpassing my height. Here in Korea I am surprised if a man is within 2 inches of my height.

-They arrange their city differently. In an American city everything is neatly ordered, there are separate districts for different purposes, things within an area match. In Korea you can have a big crop in in the middle of eight 50-story buildings, a nest of shanties next door to a new modern shopping center. Roads and sidewalks, lights, and so forth are poorly planned such that it becomes a random patchwork of nonsense.

-Stray cats and shit are running around all over.

-Koreans are very polite, and they assume the blame for any misfortune or misunderstanding, always eager to rectify matters and maintain friendly relations.

-The women, though lacking in T&A, are very slim and gracile with soft features. There are very few overweight people, I don't think I've seen any besides a few kids. Nor are there mesomorphs. Short and skinny is the rule for both genders.

-People with causes take to streets, either at busy intersections or in vans as they drive around, and blare music and propaganda speeches with bullhorns and giant speakers. I've seen this everyday.

-Only children and elderly people react oddly to non-Beringians. Children have gasped, jaw dropped, giggled (if I speak to them), stared, and taken camera phone pictures of me. Old people have turned their heads to watch me, squinting and looking me up and down. Adults under 60 are curious also, but won't embarrass themselves by acting this way.

-I have lost weight in these few days just out of an effort to avoid eating the food. I will eat it eventually, but so far I've been living on cereal and fruit jam sandwiches. Tonight I might go to main street and get something, but I don't know what.

-Everything is smaller. Doorknobs are set lower, tables, chairs and desks. The streets are often narrow unless new. I went to the convenience store and all the drinks and candy were in miniature form.

-The internet is fucking fast.

-People don't wave to greet each other, but the children know they are supposed to greet Westerners this way. However, they only give me the Roman salute while screaming in a quick high pitched "Hi!!" Dozens of them will walk past raising their arms rigidly straight at me, if they would just goosestep...

-Filipinos and other SE Asians come here for work the way Spics do in the US. More on that later.


-At night one can look across the cityscape and see dozens of giant glowing crosses atop the roofs of churches.

-Jungle covered mountains surround the city, and can be seen from any unobstructed vantage (my window for example).

-The inside of every place is extra-clean, businesses, homes, and so forth. But outside there is mud, gravel, litter, and in the breezeways mounds of bottles, cans, papers, scraps of metal, tires, etc.

-You take your shoes off at the entrance, or else.

-Koreans get goofy if you extend your hand to shake.

-The police do their job and walk a beat, stopping to speak with shopkeepers, landlords, pedestrians.

-Crossing the street is frogger, red lights are ignored more often than heeded.

-I haven't seen any deviant fagheads, no goths or emos and tattoo freaks, piercings are roundly frowned on, men don't wear jewelry.

-When a child loses a tooth, rather than put it under their pillow, they throw it on the roof.

-No pigeons, perhaps they were eaten.

-No homeless spotted yet.

-People ride bikes, little crummy looking bikes, and it doesn't resemble the yuppy bike-people of Chicago in anyway but their insistence on taking over the road.

-School girls walk around in their uniforms (very much like the archetypal Japanese), they're very abundant.

-Children roam around in packs, no parents supervising them, playing games wherever with no concern for safety.

-If a woman speaks of the American military presence, she is a race traitor slut.


Jerk - go get some beef bulgogi, fer chrissakes.


Have you seen Todd Brendan Fahey?

President Camacho
Get your mind out of the gutter :datass:

I have not seen a single expat since leaving the airport, supplanter.

Zeb, I walked the town after midnight and after finding nothing recognizable but frozen pizza at 7-11, I walked further in the city-center and a little fuckcan of a diner was open across the street from a giant club blasting korean pop music and flashing pink and blue lights. I walk into the diner, a group of young men eating, an older businessman eating by himself. I walk to the counter, pull out 5,000 won and point to an item (I don't know what it is) on the wall menu. She brings it out, the fuckers are laughing at me. The old man suggest the waitress/cook bring me a fork, I'm grateful. The only thing I recognized was the rice. There was meat, fruit, vegetables, a bowl of some kind of liquid, these things that might have been chicken but they were covered with something red, big brown cold beans. I don't know what I ate last night, but I did. There's a pizza place by the schools, I think I'll do that.

-Young Korean guys walk around with their girlfriends at night, but I rarely see it in the day. There is a feigned shame about being with an unrelated man who isn't your fiancee or spouse, and so they like to go out at night when the grownups can't gossip to each other and give disapproving glares. I found a couple sitting on the steps to a large official looking building, hiding in the dark, clearly enjoying themselves. I don't see that in daylight.


-Tonight is Friday. I met another English teacher this afternoon and he told me about the only bar in town frequented by Westerners. I'll go there Saturday, and now that I have a good mental map of the city I can walk around freely without getting too lost.

-Koreans are always remarking on physical appearance. I get comments on my height every day, multiple times.

-Things are cheap, it's great.

-I got sick of the traffic horseshit and have taken to walking right into it while giving hand gestures to oncoming traffic. They slam their breaks and watch me pass like Sasquatch in the headlights.

-Some kind of mosquito or bug is biting me every night on the legs. I fear this phenomenon.

-Taking a hot shower is torture. You have to turn on a little switch in the living room, guess how long it will take to heat (might be 5 minutes, might be 45) and then hope it isn't scalding if it warms up at all.

-The English channel is a bunch of lame Christian stuff resembling very low budget Narnia, or Xena plus Jesus. English has the connotation of Christianity, international commerce, and the US military occupation. But on TV, it is the language of our Lord.

-My students shout and wave to me in public and it startles me.

-I need condoms but I can't find them, there's no Walgreens. Maybe I googoh dat shit right now.

Smuggling cocaine in condoms already? Don't do it!

Learn the Korean script ASAP, it's easy. Those big neon signs outside restaurants advertise their specialty. Look for bibimbap (비빔밥), kalbi (갈비) and bulgogi (불고기). Try to avoid chicken feet (dak-bal) and dog soup (I've forgotten what that's called, though apparently it's "good for man's stamina"). Neither are that common though. When you've stuffed your face with good cheap food there for a while, Koreans will be able to start telling their favourite joke, "ohhhhhhhh, Angohhhhhhhhhh, ahhh you puh-regnant-ohhhh?" Hahaha.

Also, Koreans laugh when they're embarassed, like when they've almost run you over. An easily misunderstood gesture.

Did you really think that little quip would go unnoticed? Did you really think you could cruise for 50-odd posts without anyone putting two and two together?

What I mean, Salotreans, is that "Angocachi" is none other than the great gonzo journalist himself!

Points in favor:
  • Both Somali
  • Both in Korea
Points against:

Can't think of any.

ATTN: niccolo and donkey (but ... no matter what Fade says ... at the end of the day Fahey is an Aethiopid stick insect and you are some pituitary marvel from the Dinaric Alps with a five-gallon bucket for a head)