Diet and general fitness for drunks

8 posts


After a some time being ripped and existing in a anabolic environment, I'm back to being a drunk obese fuck. However, I've learnt a lot about nutrition and fitness in these last months, and I plan to apply all these new notions to my current terminal stage. I might have to kill myself in a few months, but while I'm still alive I want to be as fit as possible. The sky is the limit!

1- You need no extra carbs.

When you are drinking around 2 gallons of beer every day, plus wine and liquor, all your carb necessities are more than fulfilled. Forget about bread, rice, pizza, etc.

2- Focus on proteins and healthy fats

Buy a shit-ton of cured ham/chorizo/pork/eggs, fry it with olive oil, eat it.

3- Drink vegetables.

Drunks have no willpower to cook or eat actual vegetables. I know it. However, you can get healthy soups or veggie juices from the store. In euromexico we have something called gazpacho which really delivers. Drink this shit or something similar before going to bed or in the morning to fight the hangover. Healthy antioxidants to battle the decay of your lard-dripping body.

4- Snack on healthy stuff

When you drink you lose all willpower and snack all the time. Try to avoid nachos, french fries and all that shit, and eat pickles, ham, turkey, eggs. As you will probably go to the supermarket while half-sober, don't buy junk food.

5- Workout: It's not going to happen

Let's face it: You are not going to go to the gym, so try to walk a lot while you drink. Get an ipod or something, blast you favorite ManOwaR album, and walk while you drink. Having a physically-demanding job helps too. You are going to be fat anyway, but it's all about damage control.

6 - Get into the one push-up a day workout

I explain it here:
The perfect workout for long term-thinking drunks.

Please, add your own tips to stay fit while being a pathetic drunkard.

Bob Dylan Roof

You've already included pickles and vegetable juice, but I wanted to stress the importance of brine and vegetables in the war against hangovers. While most of the Rewskie/Slav hangover remedies like drinking vodka or having your wife bury you up to your neck in sand seem to only work for rock farming caveslavs, I've found that some of their remedies, like drinking pickle juice, eating a bowl of Zurek, or running around the block a few times, have proved effective.

In using these remedies, I've found that it's helpful (if you can remember) to set your alarm for dawn before you pass out. Don't fret if you forget, though, because alcohol is so disruptive to sleep patterns that you'll likely awaken while it's still dark out. This is, of course, the worst part of the hangover: you wake up with a sense of dread at all of the horrible alcohol-induced deeds you committed the night before, the room is spinning, your head is pounding, your sinuses are swollen shut, your mouth tastes like death, and you feel like you're going to vomit. At this point, you should go to the refrigerator and take out a jar of pickled vegetables - I prefer a mix of cucumbers, peppers, garlic, and cauliflower pickled in a strong, spicy brine - and take three or four gulps. This will replenish all of the minerals your liver has purged from your body during the night and will cleanse your palate of any foul tobacco residue (or whatever else you had in your mouth, vomit, cocks etc.) This is known as the alpha Russian version of the faggotized American hangover tradition of buying sugary Brawndo to get what the plants crave - Electrolytes (TM). Go back to bed and sleep for another three or four hours.

Now, if you want to move on to the God Tier, then you'll need to find a Polish restaurant or acquire a Polish womyn to attend to you. I prefer the really seedy Polish restaurants in Polish town staffed by gorgeous, overworked Polish girls and populated by drunk, obese Polish men. Once you're in the restaurant, you must order a large bowl of Zurek with a side of potato pierogies. Zurek is an acidic and briny soup made from fermented rye, hard boiled eggs, and sausage ftw. In addition to being fermented like the beer you drank the night before and providing all of the benefits of pickle juice, it also replenishes your protein stores and tastes really good. The pierogies will help absorb some of the remaining alcohol in your gut. While you are eating, it is recommended that you yell incoherent gibberish or Polish at the girls as this gets the blood flowing (this is a protip I learned from observing Polish men nursing their own hangovers.)


I second this. I can't see that the diet tips are available in the preview, so here is the pertinent information:


^^ Mind-blowing. That should have been the OP if I could write in real english.



6.00 WAKE UP
6.01 PUKE (helps reduce caloric intake)
6.02 DRINK WATER – I peed inside the bottle the night before. Body recovers aminoacids.
6.03 GO TO BED AGAIN – Rest is key to muscle growth

5.00 WAKE UP
5.01 PUKE (helps reduce caloric intake)
5.02 DRINK WATER – I peed inside the bottle the morning before. Body recovers aminoacids.
5.03 EAT EGGS.
11.00 PASS OUT.


I will add new information to this thread later. Five years have passed since the OP and I have a new perspective on the issue.


looking forward to it. I have been a fit drunk for around 6 months now!